caelus (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
receptacles) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
trailblazers2024-04-17 12:32 pm
receptacles) wrote in trailblazers2024-04-17 12:32 pmEntry tags:
receptacles) wrote in trailblazers2024-04-17 12:32 pm
no subject
I've got something I need to tell you, too.
[ He hesitates one moment longer, hands on the man's shoulders, and then continues: ]
I — I saw everything in your head just now. I think. [ That seems to be the best, most succinct way to explain it. Better not get into the stuff that seems crazy, like Clockwork and the Dreamscape and the Emoscapes. ] All the... all the stuff that happened to you. On Sigonia, and everything else.
[ He grips Aventurine's shoulders, not hard enough to hurt. His eyes are swimming with a sympathy so intense it borders on personal pain. ]
You didn't deserve it. Any of it. I'm sorry.
[ Maybe he shouldn't feel this way. After all, this is Aventurine's pain and not his own; if he says something like I know how it feels, Aventurine would be well within his rights to say that he doesn't, that he'll never actually know how it feels. Still, Caelus means it sincerely. He means to try. ]
I wish I could have helped you then.
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When Caelus pulled back to meet his gaze? It was enough to have him raising a curious eyebrow since this held such a serious air about it all.
Not that he had to wait long to hear the other man continue, mind reeling for a second once those words set in. Everything? There must have been a moment where they had enough of a connection in the dreamscape before, then. If the young trailblazer was now aware of his past, what he was... and everything he'd experienced as an Avgin... would that change how Caelus saw him?
His smile fell, a brief darkness flashing within his tri-chromatic eyes. This wasn't a trick. It wasn't as if he'd ever sat there and shared information like this to the other here with him before, though where Aventurine expected something pitying or even belittling? Those golden eyes were sympathetic to the point it almost looked like he himself was suffering as a result of what he'd seen, something bitter and hurt welling up within him once he heard that apology but it wasn't because he was mad or anything. ]
Come now. There's no need for an apology. [ A pause, then he let out a heavy breath as his eyes briefly glanced away. ] Words can't change what's already history.
[ By now he'd accepted his past for what it was. It was horrible, to put it in the simplest of terms. Genocide. Slavery. So much spilled blood and pain that could never be truly encapsulated with words alone.
Aventurine moved his hand up to Caelus' left hand on his shoulder, gently grasping the other's wrist before bringing it up so that warm hand could settle along the 'tattoo' on the side of his neck. ]
You must now know what this mark represents then, don't you?
[ Some part of him doesn't want to admit how much he wants to just give in. He, the man who after so many years still didn't truly have anything that was honestly his own... and the individual here with him bearing a Stellaron inside their body claiming that he wished he could have helped him?
The sentiment didn't go unseen. Perhaps that was why he was giving into this whole thing a bit, alongside his exhaustion. ]
no subject
[ His palm settles over Aventurine's brand. He presses his hand against it, as if the heat from his palms could melt the mark away; then he shifts his fingers, running his thumb along the barcode once, twice. It doesn't go away, but he didn't expect it to, anyway. He's so gentle, so slow with his movements, as if Aventurine is a stray cat he's finally managed to lull into relaxation, and he doesn't want to startle the poor thing.
The Trailblazer's golden eyes still speak of impossible sorrow. And he does feel that way, when he thinks about it. The young man who was once just a boy named Kakavasha, in his rags and chains, getting ready to stain his hands bloody for sport and cold amusement. Caelus lets out a long breath. ]
You deserved better. [ He says this with great certainty, as if this is just an immutable truth he would die to prove. ] You still deserve better.
[ He moves his hand just slightly upward, so that instead of tracing the brand of Aventurine's slavery, his fingers are cradling Aventurine's jaw instead. It's not his first time noticing this — Caelus has eyes, he just wasn't willing to compromise the mission before this — but Aventurine really is beautiful beyond words. It makes Caelus want to treat him like he's something precious. ]
I wish I could help you. [ He swallows on a dry throat. ] You probably don't need my help. But I wish... I wish there was something I could do.
no subject
What he CAN focus on is the warmth from the young trailblazer's hand as it presses, then a gentle touch along the barcode. Perhaps it was a little selfish to indulge in something like this, to where Aventurine wondered if this was still somehow something of a dream. It just felt so nice and comfortable and after all the lies he tossed out? He didn't quite feel like he was truly worth of this warmth and such sweet, kind touches.
There's words on his tongue that don't quite manage to be spoken, not with Caelus saying something like that. ]
...Do I? I wonder about that.
[ A tiny hint of something self-loathing lingered in his tone for just the briefest of moments, though aptly distracted when that warm hand moved again to cradle his jaw. Something he leant into slightly, even as a small smile curled his lips once more.
He moved his hand up to overlap with Caelus's, but it wasn't to remove it or anything of the sort. Like this, he didn't have gloves on so the other man could feel the warmth of his skin against his. ]
Maybe there is. Can you give this gambler a reason to see his life as more than a chip to be pawned off during a bet?
[ It was incredibly risky, but one could never say he didn't side with a bet that wouldn't pay out. There was honest sincerity here and some part of him banked on that, where he believed that this young man here wouldn't betray him like so many had before. ]
no subject
Stay here with me.
[ His warm golden gaze is steady on Aventurine's smile, and he doesn't move his hand, because the blond seems to be enjoying the soft touch, and there isn't anything that Caelus wouldn't give him, in this moment. ]
You don't have to go back to the IPC. You're free now — you could stay here as one of the Nameless.
[ Caelus does — wince and walk that back slightly, once it occurs to him that Aventurine might not want to swear allegiance to anyone or anything but himself, right now. But still. The reputation of the Astral Express and Akivili the Trailblaze probably speaks for itself. ]
Um, you — you don't have to belong to us if you don't want to. You could just be a guest, if you'd prefer that. But we always protect our own. Present, past, and future.
no subject
Those words coupled with the warmth in those golden hues was enough to render him a bit speechless. A lot of things could have been said in this moment, but to straight up offer him a place here on their cozy little train as one of the galaxy traveling Nameless? He hadn't quite expected such a thing, to say the least.
The Astral Express got to travel to different worlds and were typically welcomed by many, not bound by the same rules that IPC ambassadors had to follow. While he likely couldn't keep the cornerstone, bound to give it up to another to become one of their precious stonehearts? Aventurine truly had to admit that there was some appeal after everything he'd experienced.
Not just Penacony, but the entirety of his life up until this point. ]
Yeah? Quite the enticing offer you've given me.
[ His tone was light, almost gentle as he spoke. Fingers brushed softly against Caelus' hand as he seemed to consider his options.
Indeed he would appear as if he'd died back there, gone from all of Penacony without so much of a trace. The IPC would see no reason to pursue a dead man, would they? Surely Jade may find it a bit disappointing, but for once, Aventurine was feeling a bit selfish here. ]
Why don't you sell it to me a bit more? Tell me more about the wondrous life of the Trailblazers.
[ While the fact remained he was already considering it? He was genuinely curious to see what the other would say here. ]
oh no i thought i posted this!! so sorry!!
He hesitates, but soon he plows on: ]
...Um... well, we warp somewhere new every week. Unless we're involved in a longer investigation, anyway, like the kind we did in Penacony. But normally, you can do anything you want in that week. I mean, we don't want you to get into big trouble, but you can get into trouble, too. I think March and Dan Heng blew up Taikiyan Stadium once. [ Hell of a thing for him to just mention — ] It's okay. None of us are going to control you. You can spend it Trailblazing however you want.
I like to explore new places and help everyone out with little problems. Make connections, meet new people. But you don't have to do that, if that's not how you want to trailblaze. March usually just takes pictures of stuff that she likes, and Dan Heng usually gets roped into advising people on technical issues. You'll get to know them more, once we add you to the family group chat.
[ A little smile creeps its way over Caelus's lips as he speaks. He rubs his thumb along Aventurine's fine jawline again, sweetly and gently, just to reassure him that he's still thinking ]
Um... compared to Pier Point, the Astral Express probably isn't that fancy. But most people say it's really nice? We could give you your own room, and you can decorate it however you want. Pom-Pom will cook you whatever you want, but we rotate dinner duty between all of us, too, so they're not always the only one cooking. If you're not good at cooking, I can show you how. We have an omni-synthesizer if you just want to eat premade food, too.
[ He smiles a little wryly. ]
I... feel like I'm not selling this to you. But we... really care about each other. And we have fun. We could care about you like that, too.
[ Sighing, Caelus closes his eyes and runs one hand gently through Aventurine's hair. ]
...Even if you don't join us, I'd do anything to make you feel safe.
it's okay <3
One line in particular struck a chord with him, however.
'None of us are going to control you. You can spend it Trailblazing however you want.'
He'd spent the most of his life under the IPC's thumb, essentially a paid slave if one really stopped to look at it. To have the chance to do whatever he wanted, a more free and unbound life? It felt odd to consider but the more he heard about it? Aventurine really was considering this, his hand fully overlapping Caelus's while reveling in the comforting warmth of the other man's presence. ]
As long as you are aware I have blood on my hands. The last of my people...
[ Aventurine exhaled a soft breath as that hand ran through his hair, gaze landing on Caelus with a genuinely soft and gentle look on his face in this moment. Though there was a touch of sadness that lingered beneath the surface. ]
If I'm truly honest? I'd love for a place to call my own and it's... my choice. Not anyone else's.
[ The things he's seen and experienced? He had an out here and this didn't mean he had to quit being a gambler. He could lend his luck to the trailblazers and their expedition. Though unlike the IPC... they weren't using him. He wasn't being forced to do this at all. ]
What i'm saying is... yes. As long as your family agrees to it? I wouldn't mind becoming one of the nameless.
no subject
Caelus realizes with a jolt that he might be in love.
He also doesn't know what to do with this information.
Anxiously, he licks his lips and nods, trying to put the odd, fluttering excitement in his chest somewhere in the back of his mind. ]
Okay. Okay. They'll agree. Don't worry.
[ They will; he's certain of it. Himeko and Welt are not the types of people that do not forgive. ]
None of us would judge you. You'll have a place to call your own.
[ A thousand different things are running through Caelus's mind in the moment. Like how nice it will be to have a new crew member; how happy everyone else will be; what will happen to Penacony from here; will the IPC chase after Aventurine like a lost asset. Things like that. How happy Aventurine will be, once he realizes that everything Caelus promised is real. That feels like the most important thing in the moment, even though Caelus is certain that it shouldn't be, and maybe he should worry about other things. But still. Selfishly, he wants nothing more than for Aventurine to be happy. He breaks into a slightly chagrined laugh, as if struggling to process all of it. ]
Sorry, I — I'm just so happy right now. [ He presses his face into his pillow a litle bit, looking shyly at Aventurine out of the corner of his eye. ] You probably think I'm crazy. Sorry. I just... I feel like we've been through a lot together. But I'm the only one who saw things, so it's all one-sided. But still...
[ He buries his face into his pillow outright, his response muffled. ]
I'm just really excited to be with you.
no subject
It had a LOT of significance and perhaps it came down to how truthful and earnest Caelus was. Someone who didn't hide behind lies and pretty words like he typically did. Someone who most certainly was indeed shaking but from what? He kept a mental note of such information for later, feeling an unknown warmth in his chest that he didn't entirely know what he should be doing with.
Aventurine was wholly logical on a good day and a realist, so he did still have his doubts but this sweet young trailblazer wouldn't lie to him about this. Caelus no doubt would fight tooth and nail to keep him here, if he had to guess. ]
You really are too good for this sad little world.
[ He meant it as quite the compliment, wondering what was all going through the other's mind while trying to not think too much on his own situation.
Diamond likely wouldn't take this well. Neither would Jade.
They would have much to say about the fact the cornerstone was shattered into pieces and he had no doubt that the IPC was already making their move. Several puzzle pieces remained as well, but the only thing that mattered in this little room was the almost awkward way Caelus now was acting.
Pressing his face into the pillow a bit, which had him laughing softly before shaking his head at those words. If this was how things were going to be? Couldn't say he minded a whole lot, feeling now like his life was given a whole other meaning and purpose as compared to before. ]
Come now. I don't think you're crazy, but I must admit it's new to hear someone truly feels that way when it comes to me being around.
[ Aventurine had a fleeting thought that if he was to be anybody's in this world, it would have to be the one sharing the bed with him. One good thing in this wretched world that had previously never given him anything of his own, and a new reason for existing in this vast universe that needed much more exploration. ]
I at least know you mean it. There's no deception or lies here. You're too earnest for that.
no subject
This... isn't going to be easy. But: it's true. Caelus is going to fight tooth and nail to keep Aventurine here. To keep him safe.
The Trailblazer peeks back out from the pillow after his momentary bout of embarrassment fades away. It's... nice, honestly. It's nice to hear that Aventurine trusts him. It's also very sensible — Caelus is self-aware enough to know that he doesn't give anyone much reason to think that he would lie to them. But still. He's happy to hear it. He smiles. ]
...Mm.
[ Lazing in bed with Aventurine has been nice, but they probably can't do this forever. Caelus's hand finds the blond's again; he squeezes their fingers together, and then he smiles. ]
Well... what next? Do you want to get up and get something to eat? [ Abruptly, he remembers that Aventurine did technically take a hit from Acheron's sword. ] Oh, er — actually, if you're not feeling well, I can bring something back for you instead —
no subject
Realizing that he now had more of a purpose to keep living. A new lease on life and a path opened to him that he himself had taken instead of letting another guide him onto. He wasn't stupid. The IPC were a scarily large organization and the ten stonehearts had impressive power at their behest, so it was going to be one hell of a fight to make this work.
Not that he was going to think much more on that, Caelus' hand quite warm when it found his own. It was fleeting, brief but enough to have him laughing softly. A warm, happy sound as he gave his companion's hand a small squeeze in turn. ]
You've already done so much for me. It's fine.
[ Aventurine's tone was as smooth as ever, and he made to go and sit up when a stabbing pain lanced through his chest and stomach. A low hiss escaped him and he looked down to see bandages wrapped about him, a reminder that he sure had taken quite the hit from that emanator.
If he hadn't been on the path of preservation, he knew he wouldn't be alive right this moment. Especially if the injury was still this bad. Damn. Maybe things were a bit worse than he'd originally anticipated. ]
...On second thought... perhaps it would be wiser to not move much at the moment.
[ Ow. He was not a fan of pain one bit. So it appeared as if his lovely little trailblazer would have to go and get something to eat. ]
no subject
Wait. They haven't done that before? But — well, it just felt so natural in the moment. Caelus will think about it later. ]
Silly goose. Don't move, okay? Just stay here. I'll get you something.
[ It's a shame. He's so nice and comfortable, in bed with the most beautiful man he thinks he's ever seen, but he has to get up now, because the most beautiful man in the universe should get something to eat. Calmly, Caelus extricates himself from the bed, leaving his tantalizing warmth behind. He pulls on his jacket and his shoes, then shuffles over toward the door.
Aventurine won't be able to see the man outside, but apparently someone's been standing there.
Caelus blinks. "Dan Heng? You're here?"
It's funny; Aventurine may have actually never seen Dan Heng before, though he's probably at least been briefed on the young man as one of the members of the Express. He still won't be able to see Dan Heng from his vantage point on the bed, though he'll be able to hear the archivist's voice. "Himeko told me to stand guard while you two recovered. I see you're already up and out of bed."
"Yeah, but he's not." Caelus pauses awkwardly, then continues: "Um, we're both kinda hungry, and he can't get up. I was gonna get something to eat..."
"Stay here." The young man's tone leaves no room for argument. "I'll make you a meal."
"I can make it myself —"
"I'm sure you can. Whether or not it would be nutritionally balanced is another story. Stay here."
The door closes.
Feeling faintly embarrassed, like he's been upstaged by an older brother in front of the guy he likes, Caelus shuffles back to the bed where Aventurine's resting and coughs to clear his throat. ]
Er... well, you heard him. He's getting us food... I guess.
[ He looks embarrassed, too. Well, having a family to rely on is not a bad thing... ]