caelus (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
receptacles) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
trailblazers2024-01-25 08:59 pm
receptacles) wrote in trailblazers2024-01-25 08:59 pmEntry tags:
receptacles) wrote in trailblazers2024-01-25 08:59 pm
no subject
[ a sugar-high march is a scary march... ]
Should I come over now?
no subject
( he's in the archives, casually seated on the floor, having put the pot of tea and two cups on a small low table on the ground next to his simple bed. )
Don't mind the mess. ( is the only thing he'll say the moment he hears caelus come in. not bothering to look up, he continues reading his book first, flipping through the page once before bookmarking it to start pouring the tea out. there's not much of a mess, really. just the unmade bed as he'd taken a nap earlier. )
Feel free to make yourself comfortable. ( despite being offered a proper room when dan heng had first joined the crew, he'd declined; choosing to sleep in the archives instead. so, he can hardly complain about anyone coming in and out as they like since this area doesn't belong to him. )
no subject
It's not a complicated thing, or something that asks for anything from Dan Heng in return. Caelus can't claim to know what's in Dan Heng's heart, but he thinks the young man has probably had enough of that — enough of people needing things from him, demanding redemption and absolution for his birthright, or the man that people knew once upon a time as Dan Feng. He just likes Dan Heng. That's all. When he whines about wanting attention, it's not really in a way where Dan Heng is obligated to give it. But it's nice that he will, sometimes, when he's feeling indulgent.
He likes Dan Heng, so it doesn't really bother him that Dan Heng doesn't really have furniture for them to sit on. It's whatever. Male living space. Caelus's room isn't that much better except that he has an elevated bed like March's, so the grey-haired Trailblazer sits down on the floor across from his draconic companion, his long legs loosely askew in front of him.
He takes the teacup closer to him, not quite drinking from it just yet. He lets the heat from the cup warm his palms, taking a deep breath of the floral scent of chamomile wafting up from its surface. ]
Can I curl up in your lap?
[ ...Okay, maybe he's being annoyingly needy. ]
no subject
I... ( he doesn't really know what to say to that, his one hand moving to pick up the book he'd been reading, holding it in his hand for a moment before placing it off to the side, deciding to give his companion all of his attention for now. )
If it's what you want... ( if there's something troubling caelus, then he'd like to help him however he can. perhaps he's been having nightmares? that's something he understands well. or well enough. whenever he'd wake up from a nightmare, the only thing that helps is getting out of bed and taking a long walk to calm his mind. different strokes for different folks. not that he thinks his lap would be the cure-all, but nevertheless, concerned and curious, he waits to see what the other will do next. )
no subject
Caelus does have nightmares — but there's no need to bring them up with Dan Heng, he figures. Some of them are too vague, too nebulous, to put into words, and others say too much about what kind of person he is at his core to ever explain them to anyone else. Besides, he should probably finish his tea first. Caelus takes a deep sip of the hot chamomile tea and gazes without judgment at Dan Heng's face. ]
How's the financial history book?
[ Maybe Dan Heng will summarize it. Or just start reading from the passage that he's in. It doesn't really matter. He just thinks it'd be sort of nice to listen to the man's voice for a while. ]
no subject
It's a financial history book. ( ha! what an answer. )
Aside from being run over by a tram today, did something else happen? ( it's a fair question. the restlessness, neediness... he reaches out a hand to touch the trailblazer's shirt, tugging gently on the sleeve. there's a dirty stain on it from what he suspects is from the accident earlier. he really wasn't lying about that. )
no subject
After a slight pause, Caelus moves his hand, but only to take Dan Heng's fingers into his own. Part of it is to sate his own neediness, but there's a sense of placation to it, too; he seems to be saying don't worry about the sleeve. ]
I don't know.
[ It feels too honest once he's said it. Part of him wishes he hadn't said it at all. ]
I just get really lonely sometimes. I don't know what to do about it. 'Cause it's too much, you know? People shouldn't have to deal with me like this.
[ He pauses. That feels a little too heavy to let hang in the air. It's not like Dan Heng hasn't had worse problems. So Caelus moves to cover it up, adding, in a stupid, dramatic, joking tone: ]
This all started when I was abandoned as a child. That's when the trauma began.
[ Not that Caelus has ever been a child, exactly... ]
no subject
dan heng could let the trailblazer know if he's feeling lonely he can always find someone to talk to on the express, but he doesn't. in a way, he understands how caelus feels. despite his return to luofu, the welcome he'd been given by the general, and finally being able to experience the hustle and bustle of the alleys, he still feels as if he's all alone, even in a crowded place. )
Is this about Kafka? ( that woman. she did leave the trailblazer just like that. that's how they'd found him. )
no subject
[ A likely lie. He pauses, looking at Dan Heng's fingers on top of his. ]
I met her. After all the stuff on the Luofu. She reached out to me and told me to come to where she was.
[ Should he tell Dan Heng the whole story? He probably shouldn't. But he thinks Dan Heng is just going to ask more questions if he tries to sidestep it now, so he continues: ]
I thought maybe we'd end up fighting, but we have a... connection, you know? So... long story short, she talked to me and promised to tell me the truth.
[ He closes his eyes, remembering the conversation. Her mysterious smile; Blade, slumped over like a marionette with cut strings in the background. Both of them watching. Waiting, to see how he'd react. ]
...She told me that she raised me. That they made me to be a container for the Stellaron. My body was created by an Aeon or something. But otherwise... I just exist to hold the Stellaron for Elio's script.
no subject
I don't think that's true. You're far from being just a container. Don't be silly. ( he flicks his index finger against the bony part of the trailblazer's hand then, but he doesn't break the contact. instead, he turns his palm over before running his fingers down the middle of it towards his wrist. )
I do believe you have a bigger purpose than that. Your reason for existing... It cannot be entirely dependent on what you are. It's you who want to be and what you wish to pursue in this life. ( he'd like to believe that for himself as well. ) Besides, you've come to mean something... to all of us.
no subject
...You really think so? [ A little laugh, slightly forced. ] You're being so nice to me today, Dan Heng.
[ He bends over slightly where he's seated, lowering his head so that his face is out of view, though he keeps his wrist outstretched. Why? He's not quite sure. It's half an attempt to hide and half because it makes him feel like a penitent sinner, seeking absolution from a man who is less like a god and more like a friend. ]
...What do I mean to you?
no subject
Now get some sleep. I have an early day tomorrow. ( he releases his hold of caelus' wrist and sets about preparing the sleeping area, although there really isn't much to do... he's got two pillows at least so he tosses one over to the trailblazer. )
no subject
He catches the pillow when it's thrown to him, which is a fun bit of casual athleticism given that he had also reached for the last of his tea at the same time, and wasn't directly looking at it coming for his head. ]
Why do you have an early day tomorrow?